The hamburger is a staple of the American diet for better or worse and will remain that way unless mad cow disease kills half of Nebraska. Since the hamburger is such a populist meal and New York is still a populist city, it stands to reason that New York residents and visitors search for the finest hamburgers. Already many journalists have taken a stab at identifying the New York restaurants with the best burgers. Allow me to add my own 'best of' food list to the multitudes.

Many lists of where to find the best burgers in the city depend too heavily on more costly establishments attached to hotels or in swank digs on the Upper East Side. Sorry, if the burger costs more than $10 as a plain burger, it won't make any self-respecting New Yorker's list.

The New York Times ran a series of articles on where the best hamburgers could be found, and of course leaned too heavily on the expensive restaurants that construct their burgers with fancier meat than standard ground beef. I once had one of these burgers at a business lunch. The meal of a cheeseburger and French fries cost about $30 and I only ordered it because I wasn't paying for it. It was a decent meal, but no real people would spend their own money for such an expensive hamburger.

For all we know these four-star restaurants can be putting minced elk penis in their burger meat. I won't be paying $20 for a hamburger unless it's served on Maggie Gyllenhaal's naked torso.

In addition to weeding out the expensive places, I'm also going to restrict my search to Manhattan. I'm sure there are plenty of fantastic burgers in the outer boroughs, but I only have so much time and my heart and approaching obesity demand that I not eat cheeseburgers every day for a year, so I'm staying on the island of Manhattan for this.

Corner Bistro

The Corner Bistro on West 4th Street in the West Village is one place everyone agrees has some of the best burgers in the city. They don't have a lot of variety as far as their burgers go, but part of the charm is in their simplicity. It has a bar of course, so a pint of beer should wash down the burger nicely. The burgers are large and juicy and the toppings complement them nicely. It's crowded, especially on the weekends, but worth the trip to sample the very juicy fare. You'll be sharing cramped quarters with smug professorial types who consider The New Yorker their Bible and saunter around with the Sunday Times under their arm as well as t-shirt and baseball cap-wearing frat boy types refueling for their next date rape and/or corporate finance maneuver. Focus on your burger and all will be well.

Paul's Place

On Second Avenue right around the Southwest Corner of St. Mark's Place, Paul's Place is a busy restaurant right across the street from the Orpheum Theater (where the Off-Broadway hit 'Stomp' has been playing for a long time). This place does have a very large variety of different burgers with interesting names and toppings. Their fries are usually pretty good but it's just as well to have a burger by itself. Paul's Place burgers are not as large as some of other places but are juicy without being excessively greasy. It tries to look like an old-style burger joint from the '50s but doesn't do it in the lame way that chains like Steak & Shake or Johnny Rockets do. You'll trip over shopping bags hauled in by tourists and suburban kids who love the city and tired parents who might not. Last time I was there I watched the Yankees win on one of their large televisions. Keep going back there to try different varieties of burgers and you'll be inspired to experiment with inventing your own burgers.

Jackson Hole

This chain of restaurants may attract an asshole meathead crowd but has a very good reputation for burgers. I went to the Jackson Hole on Lexington Avenue on 3rd Avenue near 35th Street. The burgers here are big and greasy and a bit crumbly, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The service was pretty quick and friendly. The restaurant is decorated in a completely unconvincing old west style that looks more like T.G.I. Friday's or some other such abomination. The crowd I saw come and go varied, but was about what you'd expect at a T.G.I. Friday's. The burgers are top notch though, so the Jackson Hole I went to at least has certainly earned its place on the lists of great burger places.

Island Burgers and Shakes

Island Burgers and Shakes is on virtually every 'best of' list I've consulted, but is one from the many lists that was thoroughly disappointing. It's a small place on 9th Avenue between 51st and 52nd Streets with a modest white storefront with a painted sign that looks inviting in its simplicity. Inside is a narrow dining area that attempts a tropical island motif with bright paper lamps, faux surfboards mounted on the walls and waiters wearing Hawaiian shirts. Two things make Island Burgers and Shakes distinct: it's wide variety of burgers and their complete lack of French fries. The restaurant offers a cockamamie story on its menu that it didn't have enough money or space for a deep fryer when it opened and that people love the fried pickles they offer instead but I don't buy it. Come up with something better than fried pickles to replace French fries with. Being too cool for fries is beside the point; the place makes a disappointing burger. Their definition of "medium well" is far different from every other restaurant I've been to. The charred carbon hockey puck (if you have a better metaphor for an overcooked burger than a hockey puck, I'll be glad to use it) that passes for a hamburger wasn't worth the $7.75 plus tax (and no French fries) I paid for it. Sorry, I'm pretty sure they cook better food in Hawaii.

Here are two places you must go that most of these lists, guidebooks and the like either ignore or give short shrift to:

The Burger Joint

The Burger Joint is one of New York's undiscovered or at least not widely publicized burger restaurants. It's tucked away in the lobby of the Parker Meridien Hotel on 57th Street near 6th Avenue. I had no idea it existed until I paid a visit to the guitar-strewn Hell's Kitchen apartment of The Urban Myth, a punk rock musician who is currently the guitar player for Blackout Shoppers (disclaimer: my identical cousin Matt Bastard is their bass player). You wouldn't think such a place would be there in the lobby of the Parker Meridien, which is a swank place devoid of grease. Near the check-in desk is a small neon sign in the shape of a hamburger with an arrow pointing to a barely visible doorway. Inside is an authentic burger joint that looks absolutely nothing like the hotel that surrounds it. Tables and booths line walls that are covered with graffiti in places. Crowds of people who work nearby and tourists from the hotel cram into the place at lunchtime. A line of harried cooks take orders and dispatch burgers at a fast pace that just keeps up with the line. The burgers are delicious and sloppy and simple, and the place earns its culinary distinction not just with its high quality of burger but also with the abundance of fresh toppings that can be piled on your burger. They serve French fries in brown paper bags and you can buy soda or beer by the pitcher. This place is worth shouldering your way through crowds of tourists and midtown business people to get to. Complete burger excellence.

McHale's

One of the city's more authentic "best kept secrets" that has gained in popularity in recent years is McHale's. McHale's deserves to be at the top of every 'best burger' list of the city. Located on the eastern edge of Hell's Kitchen at 46th St. and 8th Ave., it is a favorite spot among theater district workers and out-of-work actors, writers and artists. (Also, one of the best-kept secrets of this 'best kept secret' is McHale's rib sandwich, which rivals its burgers and could give the most devoted vegetarian a taste for pork). Giant burgers and a generous heap of fries make the burgers distinct. You'll sit next to actors talking about their latest rehearsal disaster or theatergoers who were lucky enough to be tipped off about this place, which looks like a dive bar from the street. It's decorated like a sports bar and a theater hangout, which is an accurate description of it. Watch the Yankees win from the bar or from a table. It's not a faux dive and has no pretensions. Eat heartily.

Piper's Kilt

I have an Inwood bias, since I live in this fine Northern Manhattan enclave (there are also two Piper's Kilts in the Bronx, my aunt used to work at one). Still, the burgers served at the Piper's Kilt on Broadway near 207th Street rank among the best anywhere in the city. A bartender there (somehow most of the best burger places are also fully functioning bars) told me once that celebrities like Bill Murray have traveled there to taste their magnificent burgers. While I don't know if this is true, it should be. They have a good variety of burgers that you can make larger by ordering it 'Broadway' style. The burgers are juicy and not too greasy and you'll wonder why the guidebooks ignore this oasis. The crowd will be very mixed. Few, if any tourists, and a local population as diverse as Inwood itself. Enjoy the sports memorabilia and other odes to New York, drinking and local sports.