He Says

Most married couples who are involved in polyamory are subject to questions of intimacy, fidelity and lack of novelty in their own relationship.

I met this person at a club. A couple of drinks and compliments later, I had become quite a bit randy and the flirting had evolved into somewhat of a warming up for things to come.

"I have to tell you something, I have a partner."

What was that supposed to mean? It just felt like a little too much information at the time, and I felt stupid for not realizing I was being invited to participate in a menage a trios. When I finally figured it out, I didn't have to think about it much. I dove face first into the opportunity I had fantasized about for so long. It was amazing, to say the least, I just had chewed into my first piece of double mint gum. They assured me this was not going to be a one-night thing. They wanted a relationship and at the time it sounded reasonable to get involved. I have never had any inhibitions about trying anything new, and I sure as hell had no prejudices about their lifestyle.

The first month went by with all the novelty and discovery of a new-found fling. We did everything together. Lavish hotels; restaurants and clubs accentuated the splendor of my new partners. As the novelty wore off the problems started seeping in. I always favored one over the other, and it was evident that I was trying to overcompensate for this when the less-favored one felt ignored. They had been together for eight years and here comes a young twink (I was 19 years old at the time) to jeopardize their relationship status. I broke it off after a while -- it was too much pressure to keep two people happy.

As you can see you are entering into deep waters. Most married couples who are involved in polyamory are subject to questions of intimacy, fidelity and lack of novelty in their own relationship. You have to consider if that is the case, and if it is, you're better off getting out of it. If you still want to try out the experience, go in expecting a lot of emotional turmoil. I am not in any way knocking this lifestyle, but I recommend that you analyze the situation better, and if you decide that you still want to go into this type of relationship, stay level-headed.

If you need more information on the subject try these books for a better insight into this lifestyle.

• The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
• Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships by Deborah M, Dr. Anapol
• Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples by Nena O'Neill, George O'Neill

If you don't find what you are looking for in these books then you might want to try search engines. You can find one of these at google.com, if you are still not satisfied with the information you are receiving, you might want to try amazon.com.

She Says

You and your couple may want to sit down and work out the details before everything becomes permanent.

Honey, today is your lucky day. I can recommend two.

The first book you should read is "The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszit. Another good one is "Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: Secrets of Sustainable Relationships" by one Dr. Anapol.

Of course, I have to warn you that I haven't read either of these books myself. I have, however, read their back covers, and quite a few really good reviews written by people who seem to know what they're talking about. And because I tend to trust people who seem to know what they're talking about, I'll pass on the books on to you.

While I already have your attention, I'm going to go above and beyond what you asked of me, and give you my advice on this subject. Which is to BE CAREFUL! Not that you don't know what you're doing, because this doesn't sound like a rash decision (you're asking for BOOKS, of all things. Nothing says logical like books), but please make sure you keep some sort of safety net in case this fun little experiment doesn't work out.

For example, you're planning on moving in with this couple. Is this going to be something you'll still want when all three of you are eighty, wrinkled and living off prune juice and bananas? Think about it: do you really want to have sex with two old people who smell like rotten fruit? Because if not, then you'll want to make sure you have somewhere to go when (if) you decide to move out. Lust doesn't last forever. And while this may seem like double the pleasure, double the fun, are you always going to want a third person in on the deal? Or will there be times when you want some one-on-one time? How does everyone else feel about this? You and your couple may want to sit down and work out the details before everything becomes permanent. There are a million and one ways for this to work out, and not all of them end in happily ever after.

So, that's my unrequited advice. Do with it what you will. But please remember: bananas and winkles. Not sexy.