MARY

This week I read a really interesting essay in the Atlantic by Jonathan Rauch, about a phenomenon he calls "apatheism." According to his definition, apatheism is an affliction which Christians, Jews, atheists, suffer from equally. Also, says Rauch, it affects not what you believe, but how you believe it. In fact, he says, most apatheists are believers. Apatheism is not to be confused with atheism. According to Rauch, "Atheism, for instance, is not at all like apatheism; the hot-blooded atheist cares as much about religion as does the evangelical Christian, but in the opposite direction." Rauch believes that in some respects, apatheism should be celebrated, especially since September 11th. He says that it's the religious fanaticism and zeal that drive religion-driven terrorists.

Part of me disagrees with Rauch, because in moderation and even extreme devotion, religion and faith are inherently good. The fact that people's faith is depleting could be an alarming trend.

But I read on, and reread this essay until I found the part that made sense to me:

"But best of all would be a world generously leavened with apatheists: people who feel at ease with religion even if they are irreligious; people who may themselves be members of religious communities, but who are neither controlled by godly passions nor concerned about the (nonviolent, noncoercive) religious beliefs of others."

This kind of thinking would help clear up disputes about using the word "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance and all those types of lawsuits.

So what do you think about this? I would like to think that I am part apatheist, in that I'm tolerant an accepting of other people's beliefs. But who wants to be really apathetic about religion? What do you think is the happy medium to be sought in this?

Also, I have to go to a Seder meal tomorrow night and write a little story about it. Have you ever been to one? Will they wash my feet?

CLAIRE

Just on a practical note: celebrate apatheism? I disagree. I don't think there's anything wrong with being actively religious, even strongly religious. The difference between religion-driven terrorists and other strongly religious people is, well, terrorism. But anyway, that's a different discussion. But again, like you, as I read on and think, he's got his points, I suppose. There definitely is a pinch (or more) of apatheism to me, so I can't really condemn it. But I don't think it's something that's good or bad, it's just something that exists. And I can't exactly say "It's a shame that there are all these apatheists" because of three words: pot, kettle, black. I think the danger though is saying that if you are more religious than apatheistic, then you're a zealot and can't tolerate other people's religions and go bombing abortion clinics or whatever. Even though apatheism can be measured in inaction, I don't think strong beliefs are necessarily measured in action. Does that make sense at all? And how was the Seder? I have not been to one, although in Catholic school we used to 'celebrate' Passover with grape juice and matzo crackers. And I thought washing feet was a Catholic thing...

MARY

Claire, I don't know if you realize this, but, eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups can put you on a slippery slope.

Oh, yes, the Seder meal. I went to this meal in a tiny town called Ladd, here in rural Illinois. No washing of anyone's feet. The Seder meal was served by second grade First Communion students. The "meal" cracked me up. Instead of the traditional wine we had grape juice, instead of horseradish or bitter greens (to symbolize the bitterness of enslaved Jews in Egypt), we had celery dipped in salt water, unleavened bread, and my favorite part, instead of roasted lamb or poultry, they made this cake molded in the shape of lambs, hence their paschal lamb. These cakes looked like lambs, complete with coconut and white frosting for fur.

The meal was to help teach second graders about the original last supper, which is key to understanding their First Communion.

But it was a cute little ceremony, and the little second graders were cheerful and earnest when they were refilling my wine glass (I mean Styrofoam cup of grape juice) which is filled four different times throughout the meal. I think Seder meals are a great way for Christians and Jews to learn about each other.

Maybe this is a good spot to start talking Easter memories/traditions. Do share.

CLAIRE

Oh, I don't even want to talk about the chocolate anymore. There is not any way to justify it, but I figured that there were at least several moments where I really wanted it and abstained, so it wasn't a total waste. A friend of mine correctly noted that it seems like this Lent is lasting a whole lot more than 40 days, though.

The Seder sounded cool. As for Easter memories, I don't really have anything that spectacular that is religious, you know? A lot of it involves the typical pastel colors, jellybeans, Peeps and so on.

Non-Catholics might not know this, but Easter is actually the most important holiday to us, not Christmas. However, I never really get that *special* feeling at Easter mass like I do at Christmas. It's not just because I'll be getting presents. I honestly feel at Christmas an excitement and a palpable sense of peace and love of everybody. Easter is sunny and happy and nice but I never really got a special 'feel' from it. My family's spent a lot of holidays traveling though, and I remember we were in the south once, in this big white Southern Church and it was sweet seeing all these families decked out, grandmas in big hats cuddling little tow-head boys in seersucker jumpsuits.

I remember in Catholic grade school though, we spent a lot of time on the Stations of the Cross. We'd go to church once a week and go through the stations with these little booklets that I think were called "Step up Close to Jesus," which were like a kid's guide to the Stations (which, for those not in the know, are the different stops along Jesus' way to being crucified.) One thing that really stood out to me was when Veronica wipes Jesus' face. The book said, "Just like boys can be proud of Simon for helping Jesus with the cross, girls can be proud of Veronica." Thank god for Veronica, or else we'd have nothing to be proud of.

How about you? And, thinking of the Seder, have you ever been involved in ceremonies of other religions? I've never been to a bar or bat mitzvah, although I've been invited to one of each. I went to a Saturday night dinner at the home of a Jewish friend once, but I forgot what the meal was called--Sabbat? Otherwise, I really haven't interacted with the rites of other religions, but wish I had. What about you?

MARY

Am I really referencing Fiddler on the Roof again? I guess I've had no real experience in participating in ceremonies of other religions except for when I was in Fiddler. As I explained last week, I played the Rabbi. The fun part about playing the Rabbi was that I got to bless everything. In one scene I got to bless a sewing machine. And by blessing, this means that I "devoned", which is bending at the waist, several times in succession. Sort of like kowtowing over and over again. To finish it off I'd yell "Mozeltov!" and everyone cheered. My favorite part was when the Rabbi performed the wedding ceremony. All the way through the song "Sunrise, Sunset" I had to stand their and devon towards the couple. And of course yell "Mozeltov!" again. I loved the tradition of stomping on a wine glass. Ever since I've thought it'd be cool to be married in a Jewish/Catholic ceremony.

My Easter memories are pretty similar to yours. The Easter Bunny was never as exciting as Santa (except when he brought Fannie Mays or the newest Paula Abdul cassette), and going to Mass wasn't as fun, and special, and tranquil, like it's supposed to be. I just liked wearing a new dress (and white shoes -- finally!).

In fourth grade we had Easter bonnet contests, which was basically a mini-fashion show. We all decorated our bonnets, and got prizes for Most Creative, Best Use of Theme, Prettiest, etc., and the bonnets were always coordinated with our new dresses. They also let us write up the description of our hats and dresses that they would be read while we walked down the aisle. We had a real audience in the school's gym. Unfortunately, this came at the time in my childhood when I wanted to go by "Mary Beth," because just plain "Mary" was too boring (If I had only gotten confirmed, I could've used a cool confirmation name, huh?). The only problem was that I didn't use Mary Beth consistently through my description: "Mary Beth wears a dress of light blue denim. Mary's bonnet has multi-colored Easter eggs dangling from the rim." I was such a dork.

I don't know that I've ever done a Station's of the Cross. I know they hold those services, but I don't recall going. We never make it to church early enough to sit in on a whole saying of the rosary either. I've also never said a Novena, have you? We have a Novena book, and I know it involves saying certain prayers every hour, on the hour, and things like that. I'm also ashamed that I've never memorized the full Hail Holy Queen. The only main prayer I don't know by heart. What other Catholic ceremonies do you like, like Novenas and Rosaries?

CLAIRE

Well, we did the Hora in dance class at Catholic school, actually. And a Klezmer band came to play for us once. That was fun. They were very lively. Speaking of Fannie May, we should explain to non-Midwesterners that not only is it a loan company, here in this area it's a candy maker too. One Fannie good: the other financial. Nope, I've never done a Novena! I love that word, though. We used to say the rosary in grade school though, I think a section (I don't remember the right word for it) at a time. I'm still really upset to this day because my parents bought me a really nice rosary when I was a kid, when they were at the Vatican, and I lost it. I had to buy one of those crappy glow in the dark ones. What I really remember about the rosary was how they told us we couldn't wear it like a necklace. What a bummer. Digressing, Mary, what was your childhood church like? And what's your ideal parish, if you could choose one to attend?

MARY

First off, I love klezmer too. Check out The Kabala's, a klezmer band from Rock Island, IL. They're pop/klezmer/polka, but tons of fun (particularly the Bunz ov Stiel polka).

Great questions. And, FYI, I think the term for a section of a rosary is called a "decade" right? Ten Hail Marys, an Our Father, and two Glory Bes, to one decade, right? *Gives herself a pat on the back*. I've always loved rosaries and I was so excited to get my first one as a Communion gift. When we visited the Our Lady of the Snows shrine near St. Louis, I got this mini-rosary that's in a ring shape and metal, and you can say your ten Hail Mary's with it. I bought my mom one in Spain and the beads were made of crushed rose petals. The scent is really strong though.

And before I get into my childhood (and current) church, I just want to say that Catholics build the prettiest churches, don't you think? I'm not trying to be cocky, but I think it's true. And my favorite part about big cathedrals is all the little mini-chapels off to the side, so long as people aren't having sex in them like at St. Patrick's Cathedral.

For a long time I was under the mistaken impression that my home's church was really old. Then I found out it was built in the sixties or seventies or something. But I think it's pretty. The floor is made up of these giant slabs of rock. The floor can be deadly if you're wearing slippery shoes. BEWARE. All the way through the church are these big, concrete columns. Of course, much to my disdain when I was little, the pews are wooden (I was shocked to visit a Lutheran church and find out their pews had cushions!). We've got the old-fashioned confessionals in the back. I also like the Mother's Chapel, which is a room right off the altar, where mothers with screaming kids go. We used to duck in there if we got to church late, but a new priest cracked down on that. I like the church. It feels old, and serene, and familiar. Though the parish has this tendency to run out of church before the choir even starts singing the recessional.

My college Newman's Center was literally brand new when I got there. It was completely modern. No kneelers, no real center aisle. Though their baptismal font was really pretty; where we dipped our hands for holy water. The music was pretty modern, and lots of students were Eurcharistic ministers (I was so afraid I'd mess up I never volunteered), and they always had wine, which my home church only did on holidays. I just can't get past the communal cup. The fact that it was so modern actually turned some people off of it. Which I can see. I still prefer the old-fashioned churches for some reason. I can't picture myself getting married in a completely modern church. Gotta have that long aisle.

CLAIRE

Oh, I think we have great churches but I come from Evanston, which is next door to Wilmette, IL, which is home to one of only seven Ba'hai temples in the world. It's this huge, amazing temple that soars and is comparable to the temple in "The NeverEnding Story."

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of the Cry Room at our church. It just seemed so cool because the microphone had a feed into the room so it sounds like the priest is in there, speaking to you, but you (or your kids) can yell their heads off and nobody can hear you. That's just neat.

My church is an old parish that was sort of tarted up in the seventies I think, but now it seems like they're going back to making it look more old-fashioned. These stained glass windows have been opened up in the ceiling and they want to knock down this gross mural. I'm hoping they get rid of these maroon/pinkish touches around the church.

My church at Georgetown was really cool, too, Dahlgren Chapel. It looks like a little place but inside it's pretty big. The best part is when you step outside, you're in this wonderful little courtyard that just feels so pretty and private. You can see all of it if you watch the movie "The Excorcist." We never had the Mary statue defaced, however. MARY

I've got another question for you: Is it only Catholic girls that have attachments to certain churches? I know so many girls who have a certain church they want to get married in. I have yet to meet a girl, Catholic or not, who can walk into a beautiful church and not say something along the lines of "Wow, I'm getting married in this church." And even though having thoughts about marriage is ridiculously premature of me, I know I have to get married in either my childhood church, or a church equally as old-seeming. What about you?

CLAIRE

About the married in the church, thing...um, ha. I loathe to really talk about this stuff because I don't want to subscribe to the stereotype, but in a nutshell, I think that the one thing that might trump tradition of a church in a wedding is beauty. It's shallow, but it's true. You want your pictures to look nice -- i.e. I like my childhood church ok, but then again, the church next to my apartment is really pretty. Maybe I'll just get married outside, and then promptly go to hell.

The editors would like to add that The Black Table features two good articles that are unwittingly great complements to this series. Read this one about Passover, by Eric Gillin, and this one about Ash Wednesday, Lent, and all things Catholic, by Aileen Gallagher.